you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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