Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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