I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
