pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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