i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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