MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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