I heard we made out
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
