I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
