it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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