Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
