did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
