I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
