That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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