It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
