Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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