I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize