I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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