I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Are my feet made of real feet?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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