If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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