hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
