I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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