Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
