I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
