9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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