Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
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Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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