mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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