shes about as inviting as chlamydia
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
