also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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