How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
oh god the rape fog is back!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
