were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
