Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
