I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
