I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
