you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
