he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
