I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
