i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
