Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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