I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
