Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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