She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
