I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
