hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
