I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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