In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
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All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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