Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
