i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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