I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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