I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
third nipple confirmed
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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