Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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