I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
