she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
