I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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