Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
