Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
