i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
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He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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