I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
