From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
