Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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