why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
