hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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