I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
