he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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