Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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