So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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