Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
