am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
