Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
