It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
