We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
