I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
