Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts