Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.