dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy