im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
