I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for