how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.