I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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