I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
