check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
