I bet he comes in French.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
