you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
