Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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