she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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