I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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