my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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