Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
