I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
