How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i've created a new STD.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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