Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
