found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
