plz talk dirty to me
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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